It has been a while since I last wrote things in this webpage. Recently, I had my second semester midterms exams, had my 18th birthday, and also went to play at Ikebukuro with a Discord friend who is 9 years older than me. haha.
I'm 18!! (yeay?)
on october 7th, i turned 18 and it definitely feels like a milestone that just comes and goes. Honestly, I've never been this unbothered(?) by a birthday before. Maybe it was because the birthday happened one day before my midterms and i was really busy, but it wasn't really like a extremely celebratory day for me.
maybe it's just that the age number is increasing while my true self hasn't properly aged like it should. i still have a lot of trouble reading the room in conversations, managing my own time, properly setting my own priorities on what's important and what's not, etc. I could go on with this list forever. I also felt a sense of loneliness because it seems like a lot of "friendships" in japan, especially in my high school are kind of like business contracts that are like being kind in exchange of helping with exams. also, this age really doesn't do much in Japan. i guess you can vote but that's kinda it. wdym you can vote you can fuck you can watch porn but you CANT DRINK bruh i can't wait to turn 20 i have like a full list of things I want to drink. Probably starting off with Ichiro's Malt in Chichibu. haha
my faith in humanity or just friendships in general has been in an all time low, but the day on my birthday I randomly said in the TorBox (file downloading service) discord server that it was my birthday. and it turns out SOME RANDOM PERSON I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO GIFTS ME 1 MONTH OF TORBOX STANDARD PLAN VOUCHER!? I asked the user what I have ever done to deserve such a thing (we never knew each other before) and the user said they just wanted me to have a nice birthday.... i honestly couldn't believe what had happened, but i was genuinely surprised there are people like that to this day. I haven't contacted this user ever since, and they have not either, so that gift was clearly just given out of kindness, and the user was clearly not looking for anything in return, or anything that benefits them.. just pure kindness.
what kind of people have this kind of kindness anyway?
as a person who has never met a person which that much kindness in japan, it was geuninely shocking how people like that sometimes exist in this planet. after all we are animals, and we give and take. we only share things when there is something that you don't have, that they have (or that is at least how i see humanity). maybe i've seen some old people here that were really nice to me, i've never seen that level of acts of kindness from a user that is probably quite young considering how theyre in a discord server. probably a student like all of us. maybe the user has incredible levels of social capacity that gives them enough time to mind people about making sure other people enjoys their day. i like to help lost foreign travelers find their way in shinjuku station, and that is simply because i just need an opportunity to speak english so that i can keep my language level and also i jsut make sure i have a reason to live. (if i ever think of questioning my existence i can just think like "hey if i wasn't there at shinjuku station at that time that old lady wouldve been very lost"). I never truly understood what some kind people's intents are. Like helping others like what I did is entirely free, but what that discord user did to me costed him real life $5.
ikebukuro with "Mark"
on 10/12, I went to Ikebukuro with a discord friend named "mark". I met him in the Kamiina Botan Fancord; he is a really nice guy.. Kamiina Botan is the only proper anime/manga series that I have properly watched until the end and read until what is currently the latest chapter. It was like my 5th time meeting a discord stranger, (one lives in osaka and i met him 3 times, one lives in saga), so i wasn't SUPER nervous but i was a little considering how the user was like close to turning 30. I also only read manga/anime digitally with downloaded epub and cbz files,, so when he showed me around places like the Animate building, and Gamers Ikebukuro, it was the first time seeing those yuri related stuff in real life. We stopped by a Denny's, I had so much fun talking to him about his life, and Kamiina Botan ofc... AND He was kind enough to pay for our meals 😭. I also enjoyed seeing him excitedly buy the restocked Kamiina Botan tumbler mug and stuff,, and he was even kind enough to give me the special gift(photocard)s that come with the tumbler mug... I genuinely have no idea what I did to deserve this, but some people are truly kind.. never met anyone like that in my school...
thank you!
that was a whole lotta nothing... but it's an 18th birthday after all. birthdays are supposed to mark a new chapter in your life, and i hope my 18 years old self can be someone my 17 year old self would be proud of. i'm not excited, but interested in the future that may come. thank you for reading this whole lotta bs!!! hahahah :)
日本語書いてない :D